Ebonie's Story

I lost my mum to depression when I was 12 years old.

My childhood was tough - waking up every day not knowing what mood my mum was going to be in, or if she’d even want to get out of bed. She suffered from depression as well as severe anxiety. Everything in our home was chemical free, pesticide and herbicide free - 100% organic and natural - I wasn’t even allowed to paint my nails in my bedroom, because the smell of the polish was too much for her.

I blamed myself for a long time and often wondered if she’d still be here if I was a ‘better child’ or ‘helped her clean the house more often’. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her to stick around,

I felt abandoned and lost without her.

This thought of ‘not being good enough’ from both my parents to stick around (my dad left when I was young), provoked certain anxieties and depressive thoughts of my own. Thoughts around self image and self worth. I developed an eating disorder that ruled my life for about 4 years. It was all about having control. I couldn’t control what my parents did - who left me and who stayed around, but I could control everything I put into my mouth... Luckily it didn’t get completely out of hand, I started seeing a psychologist and continue to see her to this day.

Despite everything that happened, I loved my mum. She was my best friend and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I know now that it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t the reason that she didn’t want to live anymore... it was her mental illness that killed her happiness and joy for life.

I am now 21, studying Clinical Exercise Physiology and I am the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

I still suffer from anxiety but I accept that it’s a part of who I am now and I have learnt how to manage the constant battle inside my head.

Awareness about mental health is so important and this platform is incredible. Thank you so much Sam and Kristine for allowing others to share their story 💛