Courtney's Story

I have been living with PTSD for the last 4 years. My PTSD has only been treated for the last 10 months after I decided that my reactions to certain situations just weren’t ‘normal’.

My route of my PTSD stems waaay back to 2015 when my family and I were involved in a home invasion, where I was threatened to be killed and my brother was stabbed. We went to family counselling after the break-in and I was by far the most affected and it made me feel weak as I wasn’t the one with the physical injury so why should I be feeling this way?

It was suggested that I see a psychologist to assist with some therapy to guide me through what I was feeling. One appointment is all it took for my brain to reaffirm that what I was going through made me weak, why you might ask? Well, the therapist gave me logical explanations as to why I was having the sorts of night terrors I was having and that was all, nothing about the reactions I was having to certain situations.

The fact I couldn’t go outside in the dark, I couldn’t sleep in my room alone, I would break down in hysterics at the drop of a noise or the thought of being home by myself or anywhere by myself (shopping centres, walking to and from my car)

And, once the session was over there was no mention of a follow-up appointment, just a ‘book when you if have anymore trouble’.

Fast forward a month shy of the break-ins 3 year anniversary, many outbursts, break downs, sporadic night terrors my partner and I were looking at buying houses which sent me into a spiral of constant anxiety, night terrors and outbursts.

Through all of this I never spoke to anyone about what I was going through or how I felt.

From my degree I knew to create a bed time routine to assist with sleeping and to get the thoughts and feelings out through a creative mean- therefore I wrote and drew but alas, it wasn’t enough. I eventually plucked up the courage after some serious self-reflection, some encouragement and empathy, I booked an appointment with the GP for a mental health plan and a referral to see a psychologist. After 3 sessions, I was diagnosed with PTSD and feeling a lot more comfortable with this ‘new’ perception of myself, I wasn’t weak at all I was traumatised and struggling.

Once I had this diagnosis I felt like I could tell my nearest and dearest without feeling like a failure.

This is all so new though and I am learning to talk to people about it, I still however, feel it’s a burden for me to talk to people about how I’m feeling because to me it’s constant, exhausting and overwhelming and I feel terrible dragging people into this vortex with me.

I can tell you now though although moving out with my partner was a hectic rollercoaster of anxiety, emotions, outbursts and sleepless nights it pushed me out of my comfort zone because I had to share my space and along with that meant that I had to share my emotions, feelings and experiences.

It's a journey for sure and I am so grateful for the support that I have around me constantly!