Jill's Story

First, I just wanted to thank you Sam for taking the initiative in creating this beautiful website so those of us who deal with these issues (sometimes in silence), can feel like we have a voice. I suffer from anxiety and it has had a crippling effect on my life.

Outwardly I appear to have it all together (always smiling and usually happy), but inwardly it’s like I’m dying.

I have panic disorder and to a lesser extent agoraphobia and OCD. I am now in my fifties and my family have no idea I suffer from these things (I feel too ashamed to admit to them). The panic disorder got so bad at one stage that I couldn’t do normal things like go to a supermarket or the cinema or even go for a walk. If I have to go somewhere unfamiliar to me i will make any excuse not to go.

The panic will set in at any time, any where and at any place, even having a relaxing massage! My little saviour is rescue remedy, my yoga breathing and just telling myself over and over that I am safe.

I went through a stage where I hated myself so much because i just wanted to be and feel ‘normal’

I’ve learnt though that there really isn’t a ‘normal‘ in human existence, we are all just souls here doing the best that we can in a challenging and sometimes cruel world that will cut us to pieces if we are not what society expects us to be (I don’t do social media any more for that reason).

I know I’m a kind and caring person who cares deeply for other people and animals so through my journey my greatest challenge is to accept what I have and learn to manage it as best as I can and to accept that this ‘thing’ that I have does not define me.

Thank you again Sam, much love to you and your family, you’re a beautiful soul x